Trition Dinosaur Park Post Mortem
by James Hobbs
Originally from Kansas City, Missouri, James Hobbs is currently working on a PhD in history at the University of York. His work has previously been published in Dusty Attic.
Highest Rated Reviews Posted to StellarTripper.com
The Dinosaurs Seemed Underfed
3½ Stars (28/12/2203)
My wife’s family’s from the Neptunian moons, so we go there every couple years for holidays and stuff. We went to see the dinosaurs for something to do with the relatives. It’s not as good as the one back on Mars, less variety and less space for the dinosaurs to move around. They also seemed kind of . . . anemic? Like they weren’t getting enough to eat or the sunlamps weren’t working right. I kinda felt sorry for them. Still they were dinosaurs, so that’s automatically cool. Not a bad way to spend an afternoon, if you’re around Neptune.
Great to Have in the Area
5 Stars (12/03/2196)
As a native of Triton City, it’s nice to have something like this in town. They had a good variety of dinosaurs, some ice age animals like mammoths, and even a small aquarium with ancient sea creatures. Sure, it’s not as nice as some of the stuff they’ve got in the Inner System, but it’s still a great place to take the kids.
Weird to Eat Dino Nuggets in Front of Dinosaurs
2 Stars (06/07/2204)
Took my daughter here to see dinos. The only food they had was stemcelled, frozen dino shaped chicken nuggets, like you’d get at the supermarket, but like three times as expensive. Felt bad eating them in front of the dinosaurs. Call me crazy, but I swear I saw a judgy look in the Parasaurolophus’s eyes.
Got to Eat Dino Nuggets with Real Dinos! Cool!
5 Stars (30/02/2198)
What more do I have to say?
Literally Abuse
1 Star (11/09/2203)
Barely anybody comes here anymore and I can see why. They charge 38.99 Credits per adult and 18.99 for children, but half the exhibits are closed. Probably because the animals died and they can’t afford to clone more. My son begged me to pay for a triceratops ride, but I wouldn’t let him. The triceratops they had giving rides was obviously really old and was having trouble breathing. They were giving the stegasauruses fruit too. They can’t digest that. I don’t know why this place hasn’t been shut down by now.
No Longnecks
2 Stars (21/02/2200)
My favorite dinos are the big ones with the long neck. When I asked where they were the employee was super rude and told me they didn’t have space for them. The other dinos were okay, but not worth the 40 creds to get in.
My Kids Love It
5 Stars (16/10/2202)
As the mom of a couple dino nerds, we come here every chance we get.
Not as Good as the Ones Back Home
2½ Stars (14/11/1197)
My family and I are Selenites. We came to Triton for a Neptunian cloud tour, and thought we’d stop at this dinosaur park. It was fine, but not nearly as good as the ones on the Moon. In the dino park in Mons Dieter they let you see the cloning tubes where they mke the dino eggs and the incubators where they hatch them. This one doesn’t even have a T. Rex. The best they’ve got is a skinny allosaurus that spends most of its time hiding in the trees.
Dinos Just Laid Around
3½ Stars (04/05/2201)
Never been to one of these before. I thought the dinos would run around and roar and stuff. They just kind of laid there. Maybe walked around a little. They told me that’s just how dinos are. They say they make the dinosaurs there in tubes, so I don’t see why they can’t make them a little more energetic. If you’ve got nothing better to do, it’s fine, but you’ll get bored after an hour and a half at most.
Wouldn’t Let Me Feed the Dinosaurs Hamburger
1 Star (07/05/2204)
They said it was a meat eater, but when I tried to throw it half my hamburger, they kicked me out.
Fun Day
4 Stars (12/09/2201)
The pool where they were keeping the baby plesiosaur looked like an old hot tub. But Keeper Dakota let us pet it even though it was against the rules.
Sent Girlfriend to the Hospital
1 Star (06/01/2202)
A plesiosaur bit my girlfriend’s hand while we were petting it. Had to get stitches. We wanted to sue, but apparently the forms we signed at the gate meant we couldn’t.
Kind of Scary
2 Stars (14/03/2204)
The gate of the Deinonychus’ pen was held shut with duct tape. The dinos were cool, but it was hard to enjoy them when we were scared we were going to get eaten.
Found Out I’m Allergic to Mammoths
1 Star (06/04/2204)
They need better atmospheric filters.
Disappointing Hamburgers
3½ Stars (07/18/2202)
I had fun, until I learned the dinoburgers were just regular cow meat. And for 13 Credits! What a ripoff!
Dino Tooth
4½ Stars (24/08/2203)
A lot of the exhibits were kind of old and dingy, so I can’t give it five stars, but the staff was friendly and the dinosaurs were pretty cool. They even sold shed raptor teeth necklaces in the gift store. It wasn’t perfect, but it was pretty good compared to other stuff on Triton.
Difficult Conversation
2 Stars (13/07/2199)
We were having a great day, until a dunkleosteus in the aquarium ate one of the smaller fish. There were scales and fish parts everywhere. I had to explain the concept of death to my three year old.
Uncanny Hybrids
2 ½ (21/11/2196)
A little science: A lot of people don’t realize that dinosaurs in this kind of park aren’t all dinosaur DNA. There’re too many gaps in the paleogenes we’ve found to make a whole animal, so they patch them with other DNA from modern animals. Usually, these changes aren’t noticeable. But I think someone at this park made some sort of mistake when splicing in frog DNA, because the stegosauruses had weird tongues and kept jumping around.
Too Big!
2 Stars (17/01/2203)
I love dinosaurs, but my neck hurt from looking up at them for so long. They should make them smaller.
Mediocre Halloween
3 Stars (28/10/2204)
I took my kids here for the Halloween trick or treat thing. There were only maybe three places to get candy, but they did dress up the triceratops giving rides and some of the raptors in little costumes, which was cute. Also, I think the heat lamps they used to keep the dinos comfortable gave my eleven year old heatstroke.
What a Dump
1 Star (17/01/2205)
Have you ever seen an ankylosaurus puke? I have now.
Final Message Posted to the Triton Dinosaur Park Website (11/02/2205):
Greetings Dino Dudes and Dudettes,
We’ve got some bad news for you. After nine years (2196-2205), Triton Dinosaur Park is shutting its doors indefinitely. As some of you may know, despite our devoted fan base, we’ve been unable to meet our upkeep costs. Feeding and caring for our fossil friends isn’t cheap! So we’re in the process of looking for new happy homes for all our animals, where they’ll be well taken care of. All good things come to an end, as they say. The dinosaurs had their asteroid, and we had declining attendance and increasing utility costs. But all is not lost. We hope to live on in the magical memories of all our guests.
Lots of Love,
CEO Marriett Krane
Pretty cool. Very imaginative